Problems

So we all have our problems. And I'm having a problem I can't talk about. Cause I don't who I can trust. And even if they give me the right advice, I reject it. Even if I know that's what I should do. I haven't felt pain like this in forever. I'm a complicated person. People always ask me things I can't answer. I don't now how I work. I don't know if I believe in God or not, but I think there's something out there. Something no one can explain. And I just wonder.. why would anyone want me to me like this? Why am I like this? I really do hate myself right now. I do idiotic things. Really stupid things. If there's something out there that can save me. Please I need answers now.